Ashes Remain Page 6
“What…” Drake studies creased breasts that tip the edge of the tabletop, “What hurts?” His mind draws a blank at the present moment.
“About you and your girlfriend…” ignorantly reeling him back in, “your sister?” She points with her chin. “I know how it feels to miss the ones you love.”
Drake has a sinking sensation all of the sudden. “You do… do ya?”
“Yeah.”
Drake releases her hand and leans back. Now he’s figured out where her mind has been the entire time. “When did you break up with him?”
“Well, it’s —
“Obviously…” effortlessly measuring her body language, “… you’re too wonderful to have him dump you. The guy would have to be a damn fool. And… yes. I said a cuss word because you’re too nice to have someone hurt you. You’re right. We don’t deserve it. You’ve treated a perfect stranger like family today, a brother even. You might not have known it at the time, but you saved my life with your kindness. I just now told you how far your compassion stretched across my heart and helped me.” His body shivers as if bothered by the very thought. “Unbelievable. The nerve of people these days. They rip your heart out.” Drake crescendos his voice with flaring palms. “I’m willing to fight for you after today. Sorry, but I get riled up when I see someone as nice as you, get pushed sideways. Maybe that’s because of what I’ve been through. Some things ain’t right to do to people. No one hurts my friends. We’re the same.”
“She’s nothing like you,” Lucius mumbled.
Josephine blushes as she feeds hair behind her ear. “He’s not really like that.”
“Now you’re gonna defend him?” Drake pierces his bottom lip. “I did the same thing you’re doing now. I almost put a bullet in my head because of it. It only gets worse from here on out if you can’t crawl out from this hole. I realize now you need someone… a friend. Just as badly as I do. Somebody to help you out of the pit.”
Josephine says, “He didn’t know what to do. I don’t believe he wanted to leave.”
“You don’t believe?”
“He was called away. He wanted to stay and marry me.”
“Did he now?”
She fidgets her fingers under the table, and Drake can’t tell if it’s the wind or the subject making her eyes glossier. She says, “He was upset when he yelled at me and broke it off. You could tell he didn’t want —
With a raised voice Drake asks, “He yelled at you?”
She nods blushingly. “I think he was confused. He’s a soldier and was called to duty. I don’t know if he’s ever coming back. But he said he was… someday. I have dreams about it, but it’s not the same thing as real life. I’m starting to realize that.” She shrugs. Her story sounds far-fetched once said. It was so much easier to believe when it was swimming around in her own mind. The thoughts felt more like drowning, but speaking them out finally allows for a breath of fresh air — air from the real world. She digs deep and tries to find evidence to support her thinking. She searches for a reason to believe. Any reason will do. “I thought I saw him earlier.” But her reasoning fades. “If it was him, then he would’ve said something.”
“Well… I hate myself right now.” Lucius covers his face. “I’m seriously two seconds away from making a mistake.”
“Wait.” Drake elevates eyes and searches diligently for any blue uniform or camo outfit framing murderous eyes. Eyes that could be landing on him at the moment. “Are you saying… the person you thought… you thought you saw earlier will soon be a killer ex-boyfriend against your new unarmed guy friend? Is that what you’re saying?”
Lucius scowls. “If you want. Just say the word. Quit talking to my girlfriend.”
“Hardly.” Josephine shakes her jawline. “No. He wouldn’t’ hurt anyone.”
“Augh,” Lucius mumbled. She makes me feel guilty.
She says, “He’s too kind of a person to even… he’s too nice to ever —
“To leave someone…” Drake embraces her hand, speaking as smooth as a harmonic counselor, “… and make that person so sad and lonely, even when she’s hanging out with someone else miserable, that she can’t even stop looking for him or talking about him.” He takes back control of the conversation. “That’s hateful, especially, if he was gonna marry you. If that is what you really believed?” Drake floats a hand up. “That’s the complete opposite of what a real man would do in his situation. It sounds like he got what he wanted and left. He doesn’t sound like a good guy to me, Jojo. The sooner you forget about him, the sooner you can be happy again. I wouldn’t worry about that dude anymore.” His wrist skims across the wind toward her. “You’re too good for him… just forget him.”
Lucius grinds his teeth. “Excuse me, turd blossom? What was that?”
“We never did anything.” She sinks in her chair. “It wasn’t like that. Not really. He went to combat and I miss him. He told me he loved me before he left. He was crying. I believe he was afraid he wasn’t gonna come back. My mind’s trying to justify his responsibility. I realize how silly it must sound… but you would’ve had to of been there. You would’ve had to look into his eyes.”
“Well, how long has Mr. Wonderful, slash use and leave, been gone?”
Her shoulders tumble. “His name’s Lucius. He’s a perfect gentleman that never used me. In fact, he saved my life a couple of times. He nursed me back to health when I got sick. He’s only been gone four months. My dad would sometimes stay gone longer than that.”
Drake tilts. “Are you making that up or is he serving right now? Your mind can play an awful trick on you.”
“Anyway… I think a friend of his visited once and let me know that Lucius will be gone for a while. Lucius was almost punished for staying with me.”
“You think his friend visited? You think?”
“Well…” wobbling her head, “Everything’s hard to explain. I don’t like talking ‘bout it. He’ll come back. As soon as he’s able, he’ll come back. I believe it with all my heart.”
Lucius closes the lids of his eyes. “Thank you, baby.”
“Did he write you a letter?” Drake investigates. “Some’n? You know… instead of… you think?”
“Not really.” She places fingers over her heart. “Not all soldiers can write letters. That happens a lot.”
“So, he ain’t never wrote you nothing ‘bout him coming back? And you’re not for sure if he sent a messenger but you know he’s gone…” rolling his eyes, “after throwing you away? That’s a terrible defense.”
She hunches between her shoulders. “He wrote once. It’s said he’d see me soon. He never breaks his promises.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Um, it was —
“Look… I can tell you’re a nice girl. Just like my dear, sweet sister. God rest her soul. You’re so easily broken because you know how to love people, but they can’t love like you can.” Drake rubs his thumb over the back of her hand and carefully caresses it while placing his warm palm against hers, sandwiching her hand in his. “I believe he probably wrote you that letter… months ago. Christmas came and went… nothing, not a gift or a phone call…” With every example, Josephine glances through droplets sliding down her glass. Her expression continues falling. She feels like spinning off of a cliff as his smooth words suffocate what she has come to believe. Drake recognizes the expression and moves in for his last shot. “Or even a greeting card.”
Lucius scrapes his chest, “This guy…”
But…
Drake’s voice continues like a scratching record against Lucius’s ears. “In fact, and I hate to say it, but you’re probably looking for signs. Picking up daisies. Pulling petals one by one. Saying things like… he loves me… he loves me not.” His eyes meet her captive gaze. “You’ve probably been thinking you’re crazy.”
Is it that obvious, she thought?
He continues, “You’ve probably been thinking everything was all your fault, until, you start doing
strange things and thinking it’ll call ‘em back somehow. You’re praying to the universe for help. Perhaps, you’re wearing a particular shirt until the material is worn thin… because it was his favorite. Maybe you’re keeping a tiny knickknack on your mantle like it’s a first-place trophy. Maybe it was a tissue he used once. Stuff like that. We do crazy stuff that shows we’re desperate. Lonely. And nothing we can do can bring ‘em back.”
Josephine closes her eyes. “Maybe.” She recalls the box full of nature’s origami, her pretend love letters. He’s hit every example she could hide behind as the bullets leave his lips.
“Oh, no,” Lucius gulps. “He’s winning her over. Baby, don’t listen to him. He’s a —
“Hey.” Drake taps her fingers and wakes her from a tumbling mind. “I think you need a friend just as badly as I need one.” He releases his grip. With a subtle movement adding flare to his culminating argument, his hands open outward as he offers salvation from across the table… “And here I am. Just a buddy. A pal. One hundred percent at your service. Free and clear of any ties that bind.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready to forget about him.”
Baby, please? Lucius’s mind begs for a rewind of the day. He rebukes himself for continuing to leave his tiny ornaments on her welcome mat every morning. “I’ve only made things worse.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready.” Her voice falls into a whisper over her straw.
“Ready?” Drake says, “No one’s forcing you to do anything. The way I see it, there’s nothing better than to get our minds off these sad similar things for a while. Just hang’n out with likeminded, brokenhearted people to air the dust from our trampled hearts. Some’n to keep us from going crazy. You know? Maybe, some’n to keep us from walking out in traffic. What do you say, Jojo? Would you like to hang out tomorrow with me after I get off work? Do some’n new with a poor soul whose given life just one more chance…” chocolate eyes hold her captive, “… because of you?”
Josephine sits still in quiet, too quiet.
Drake sighs. “Wow… I ain’t worth much am I?”
She yanks her expression over and weaves her brows into a tight knit. She’s scared and confused. Drake tightens the line. “I don’t bite, Jojo. I just wanna hang out with someone cool who lives in San Antonio while I heal.” He continues with an innocent tone, “I ain’t making you sign a contract or nothing.”
“I just —
“Come on. You ain’t gonna lose anything.” He winks. “You’re gonna make me lose faith in myself as a contributor to society. You got me thinking you’re my friend already. I spilled my heart out on this patio. I believed I had a chance. A purpose. A reason to live,” he says as he arches his eyes across the table and nudges his chin upward. “Besides, if he’s been gone for a while, I guarantee he’s hung out with a new friend during his away time. I just wanna hang for a while. Don’t you believe in having guy friends or something? Am I completely worthless?”
“Okay,” she nods. “Maybe I will.”
“Oh…” breath falling, “little momma.” Lucius’s lashes squash together. “You don’t know. He’s lying.” He flings a wrist above Drake’s light cinnamon hair. “He doesn’t even have a sister. I’ve read his mind.” He gives up and squats beside a wall. “He wants to take you away from me.”
“I will.” She shrugs. “There’s no harm in getting away from feeling like a prisoner.”
“You’re right. We’re breaking out of prison.” Drake’s high-pitched voice celebrates. “Alright…” showing teeth with a wild-eyed smile, “let’s do whatever you want.” He gestures off in several locations. “We could do anything to get our minds free of stuff.”
“Well, um…” thinking out loud and picking at her nails, “I know a great miniature golf place close to my house, if you wanna do that or something? I have a membership. I inherited it, so it’s free to get in.”
“Inherited? Well… I love mini golf. Sounds fun.” Drake wobbles his head over his shoulders. “It’s probably the only golf that doesn’t make me lose my religion.”
Josephine pokes at the air sternly. “But… I’m not looking for a replacement. I just wanna get away from feeling crazy like you said.”
Drake blankets his heart. “I would never. I’m no replacement. I’m only a carousel ride taking you around to show you a different view for a while. Just a friend. And… I haven’t had a friend in a long time, Jojo.” He salutes. “I’m the fun ride you’ll never forget.”
A weighted head raises above tensed fingers. Red hot eyes bulge. “So am I,” Lucius said.
The following day, Josephine rattles off a whirlwind of chores throughout the house. She gathers a new glass-paned frame from the front closet and gazes at the broken portrait. “It’s time to fix this thing.” She secures a grip around the old frame and the corners crackle. A stickiness sound rings out as she pulls the frame away from its grip. The adhesive has stuck over time. The mount lowers to reveal a mess of naked wall outlining a dusty square. “It’s definitely time.” She grimaces as her eyes travel along recently repaired walls. The damage is much more noticeable now that the focal point of her distraction is missing.
A plastered putty area masks a handful of cracks. Elongated veins stretch from the door frame and branch into wall seam, flowing up toward the dormers of the foyer. The areas are painted over. A new coat of gloss continually reminds her of the night he left. She slouches her collarbone. “Well…” glancing down at frame, “let’s get you back up there so we can cover over that memory for visitors. I wouldn’t even know how to explain that one.”
Josephine carries wooden framing to the table. She clears glass that is stuck around the picture. The sooner she finishes… the sooner part of that memory will disappear. “Mistakes happen. I’ll just have him repair something else when he gets back.” She giggles to herself. “Perhaps he can knock a nest out of my chimney?”
Lucius strokes his chin from outside the nook, and thinks, Her forgiveness comforts me.
She clears glass and plops pieces into a coffee can. “So not to injure the trash guys.” A stubborn piece keeps its grip, wedged in a corner. She pulls harder, rubbing her fingers around different sides and wiggling it like a stubborn tooth. She gives one last successful tug, but slits her finger with the release. “Ouch.” She races over to the kitchen sink.
Lucius grips cedar beams outside the nook. “Now, I feel worse.”
She washes the area under running water. It’s a small slit with only a few drops of blood. “The stinging is the worst part.” With her other hand, she reaches toward her medicine cabinet. She makes a contortionist pose, appearing as though she’s closing a box over her rather than opening a cabinet.
Lucius chuckles. “Baby, turn backwards when… you’re so funny.” His head shakes. “The sink’s not going anywhere. You’re so cute.”
◆◆◆
After clearing all the clutter, Josephine admires her new frame. With her purple bandage over her finger, she grabs her damp rag. She drags the cloth across glass, erasing fingerprints from the frame. Each stroke resounds with squeaking by the time her phone vibrates across the coffee table. “Hey Amber,” she answers, “whatcha doing?”
“You have to be here at noon on Saturday,” Amber yapped while acting like a fully geared bridezilla on the phone. “You can’t be late. We have to do bridal pictures before my ceremony. Did you make sure the dress fit? I already have one bridesmaid that might be late. Ugh. I need to depend on you. You’re my maid of honor. I need your encouragement.”
“You need a back rub and a hot tub.”
“I just…” Amber exhales, “… need you there. You’re almost as important as me during the ceremony.”
“I’ll be there… on time, Amber. I’m never late. I wouldn’t be late for you and David’s wedding. What kind of a friend would I be? Y’all are my best friends.”
“Have you asked anyone yet? We have an empty space at the table next to you. My mom keeps asking.”
“How old is he… your friend? We’re gonna have a lot of wedding wine and my parents are strict about underaged drinking, except, you of course. Which by the way, happy birthday early. I wanna let you know that I’ll be thinking of you while we’re at your dad’s old place in Hawaii. Well… part of the time.”
Josephine grabs her stomach, trying to hold down morning contents. “No… don’t think of me. That sounds gross when you’re on a honeymoon. I hope y’all enjoy the cabin. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. My dad would take me there for my birthday almost every year. It’s better used by y’all this year. Oh yeah… the guy’s twenty-six. He’s a total cowboy. I met him yesterday and he’s eager to do whatever to get his mind off of the bad memories of his ex-girlfriend. He’s from around here.”
“Sounds cute.”
“No. It’s not like that. I’m still waiting on Lucius.”
“You keep reminding me.” Amber asks, “Have you heard from Lucius? It seems a while has passed. You only told me of the one letter.”
“No. And I’m not looking around either, if that’s what you’re asking. Some soldiers can’t get letters out from where they are because it’s sensitive. Besides, Drake is just a friend. I’ll bring him to fill Lucius’s spot at the table. If he wants to.” Josephine pauses for a deep breath. “Also —
“It sounds dangerous with you pausing like that. I wanna let you know I can’t take any dreadful news at the moment. I’ve had three masseuses trying to get the knots out of my back, and David’s not any better. He’s on the warpath with stress. The office tried scheduling a meeting with him… while we would be on our honeymoon. We seriously can’t handle anymore after the hours it took to clear that one up.”